


Missing

by NaeSpark



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-09
Updated: 2013-07-11
Packaged: 2017-12-18 06:39:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/876760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaeSpark/pseuds/NaeSpark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been years since the last time Homura was able to see Madoka. She's fighting demons when her voice urges her not to lose hope.<br/>Can she survive much longer?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lost

**Author's Note:**

> www.naesnark.tumblr.com

__**Don’t forget  
** Always, somewhere  
Someone is fighting for you  
\- As long as you remember her  
You are not alone. 

_You hold your breath before the hot desert wind suffocates you._  
Travelling under the burning sun was probably a bad idea, but you don’t allow yourself the time to think about it.  
As the demons form a thick wall in your path, you summon your last strength to materialise a set of large wings that resemble a corrupted web of dark-coloured matter. They slide carelessly, with their mouths hanging in the guttural sound that would make anyone but you cringe.  
You walk calmly in their direction, clearing your mind from any thoughts that could be found there. You bite your lower lip.  
“Keep it up!”  
You gasp. The omniscient voice addressing you causes your expression to soften into a smile. You concentrate and leap to battle. 

***

You swallow water so quickly that you barely feel it in your mouth.  
Your throat hurts, but you don’t bother locking the pain away in your soul gem. Pain makes you feel human.  
You’re alone now. Mami Tomoe is long gone, and so is Kyoko Sakura, who parted peacefully with Sayaka Miki’s name on her lips.  
You can’t quite do that, yet.  
You’ve forgotten your age. You’ve seen the world change endlessly, the same stage with different actors, the same play and its known grief, sadness, and pointlessness. But you’ve sworn to protect it. For her.  
You let yourself slide against a wall and sit on the floor. It is the first time in years you’ve been in a city this large, and you don’t quite know what exactly you are doing there.  
Sighing, you remember the voice echoing (in your mind?) and allow yourself a smile. You feel somewhat special; the only one who knows who she is. You remember her voice, her face, her warmth. She’s a part of you - that one secret that is yours alone.  
Your chest tightens as you realise she hasn’t forgotten about you either; and, despite knowing that that body isn’t your own anymore, you check if your heart is still beating.  
It races.  
You don’t quite know how you feel. You’re fairly sure you’re a little less lonely, but the emptiness is slowly coming back. You’re tired, so tired and so done with demons, magical girls, and Incubators; tired of curses and loveless grief.  
No. Not loveless.  
She loves you. You’ve known that for a long time. For almost as long as you’ve known you love her back. You’ve always kept quiet, never once mentioning the unspeakable bond that links you to the goddess of all Hope.  
You sigh and hide your head between your knees. You should be proud of yourself - you know that. You’ve kept on fighting, wishing, hoping, and never once you broke any of the (silent or not) promises you’ve made to her. Yes, you’re definitely proud of yourself.  
But you’re also scared. You’re scared because you have nothing but hope to hold onto, and hope is a volatile thing. Hope is barely tangible in the realm of possibility; nothing but a glimpse of light with Madoka’s face on it.  
Gritting your teeth, you consider doing something reckless. Something that would anger her, and force her to bring you under her wing, keeping you apart from the whole world.  
You shake the thought out of your head. No, no, no, you can’t do that.  
But you miss her and you’re sure that drives you a little bit insane.  
Ignoring the succession of feelings you just went through - which you’ve kept inside for too long -, you try to get up.  
Your legs shake and wobble, and you’re short of breath. You hadn’t realised you were that tired.  
You proceed to mutter a curse with the breath you have left, tripping on your own feet when your thoughts drift into darkness.


	2. Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is Homura stuck in darkness or will she find the light?

Your eyes are heavy and won't open, but you feel surprisingly light.  
You wonder if you are dreaming - a strange blind dream filled with warmth.  
 _Warmth?_  
You feel warm and comfortable, and you haven't felt that way in years. The feeling of safety had become a memory, a figment of truth based in a timeless life and a spaceless hope. holding you as you cried and begged for fairness. It was the memory of your loved one's arms gently wrapped around you as she made her final sacrifice.  
You feel a lonely pang in your heart.  
 _You can't break down._ You want to, and you need it desperately, but you can't. You don't know what would happen if you allowed yourself a moment of weakness.  
It hurts and it burns you, and you can't help but feel vulnerable without her. Your thoughts are interrupted by a chuckle.  
Your eyes shoot open and you gasp for air.  
She holds you close, rubbing your back until your breath evens. Her smile is kind, but you can see in her eyes that she's worried about you. You straighten your back and face her, hoping to seem calm enough to ease her concern.  
"This is impossible..." you whisper.  
She keeps her smile as she leans and places a kiss on your forehead. When you finally relax, she looks relieved.  
"I'm silly" she remarks "I was afraid I couldn't feel anymore." There is a lonely note in her voice. "All I do is feel what everyone's feeling and it's hard to understand if any of these feelings is actually mine." Her eyes close and she sighs deeply. "I guess I really missed you."  
"I missed you too..." your voice breaks and your throat becomes a painful knot.  
She cups your cheek using her left hand. Her skin prickles with energy and there's a small current tickling your skin as she touches it. You decide that the feeling is not unpleasant and let your face rest in her palm. Her skin is just as soft as you remember it to be.  
"I know" she replies "I'm so sorry..."  
Your grip on your composure weakens and you slide into her arms, laying your head on her chest.  
You hear nothing.  
You pull back in shock until you realise that, at some point, she became even less human than you.  
She looks surprised, before reading your expression and touching her chest with an apologetic smile.  
"I'm not alive anymore." she says "I suppose you don't want me like this, but I don't regret what I've become."  
You want to scream that you want her more than ever, but you let it fade in your throat instead.  
"I'm not alive, either." you state "But that doesn't mean that we can't live."  
She wraps her arms around you and sweetly rubs her cheek in yours. "You seem older."  
You almost giggle at that comment. "I've lived too many years." You pull her close and inhale the scent of her neck. "To be frank, I don't think I can count them anymore."  
"My life never began and will never end. That's what Kyuubey said."  
You swallow drily. "But I've lived with you." you mutter "I've seen you get hurt, I've seen you smile. I've seen you turn into a Witch and die." You chest tightens painfully. " _I killed you_."  
She gives you a compassionate look. "You've been absolutely amazing." She rests her head on your shoulder. You feel her inhale deeply and sigh.  
You realise that she needs you.  
"I don't want to be separated from you again." you almost stutter, cursing your eyes for tearing up at such an inappropriate moment. But that only lasts a second, because you are suddenly busy holding Madoka as she cries and clings onto you, gripping and pulling at your clothes.  
Her tears burn you and you can't help but burn her with your own, sinking your face into her hair and sobbing. She whispers your name and you both cry until you are too tired to move.  
You are laying beside each other, panting. She reaches for your hand and holds it, closing her eyes. You know she's trying to seem brave, but you're not fooled. You summon the little strength you have to turn around and hold her. You feel her relax in your arms and begin to breathe evenly.  
"I want to join you."  
You must be insane.  
She blinks, confused. "Homura?"  
"I'm tired." you resume "I miss you."  
"I don't think that's possible. I got like this because I made a wish. Homura, I don't know if we can, and I can't take your life away from you!"  
"My life was taken away a long time ago, when I decided to make that contract." You touch her face lightly, searching for the right words. "I can't take this anymore. I need you. I'm alone. I can't even protect you because there's nothing to protect you from!"  
Her eyes are focused on you, wide in pain, as her hands drift to carress your face very gently, as if you were about to disappear.  
"Can you protect me from the loneliness?"  
Your mouth remains agape for the longest seconds of your life, before you pull her face close and bring your lips to hers, pressing them desperately.  
You pull back just as swiftly. "I know what to do."  
The flush on her cheeks contrasted with the deeply set confusion on her features. "H-how?" she mutters.  
You kiss her once more, gentle now, and smile. "I understand."  
She touches her lips shily with her fingertips. "Homura..." Her fingertips now rest on your lips. Your mouth is shut in a tight line before you answer.  
"I can't be with you if I'm forced to kill demons." you state "I must end this."  
"End what?" she squeezes your hand.  
"Me."


	3. End

A long time ago, you used to stand at the very top of this same tower nearly every night, gazing upon the cruising cars down below and the flickering lights up above.  
It's different now. Those old times were absent of peace, but you have now replaced that with painful determination.  
You inhale the air, thin from the great height, and undo the ribbon tied around your hair. It's red and has a silk-like texture, sliding effortlessly upon your skin.  
Tying it to the tip of the nearest antenna, you close your eyes.  
_This is it_ , you think. Things are different. You can find her in your slumber, far from the lonely claws of consciousness.  
You look at the city once more. There are less cars, less people, but more flickering lights and lives hidden behind concrete walls. You can almost sense them all. You can smell a mother cooking something delicious for her child. You can taste liquor in her breath as she falls over her unfinished meal. You can hear the children playing in a nearby playground. You can almost feel yourself bleed when one of them falls and scrapes their knee.  
You understand a lot of things. And you finally accept that this world is part of you.  
You feel sad to leave it, now.  
Shaking your head, you realise you never truly will. You will just be a little different.  
You wrap the other end of the fabric around your neck and you breathe evenly. You're ready.  
Your legs struggle after you leap, and your eyes water for only a second. Your lungs start to burn and you jear an audible crack when the impact of stretched fabric reaches your neck.  
Before everything fades out, you can feel her arms wrapping around you.  
Hope is not a single presence anymore. It is twofold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end.


End file.
